Road Kill Rules

Here is a complete listing of all the "Road Kill Rules". It's a loose collection of quotes, comments and information that help guide the Road Kill experience.

If

If you paid for that you probably paid too much!
Sarcastic remark usually meant for haircuts, but also applied to over-priced drinks on RAGBRAI

Go Around Once

You only go around once in life. You might as well go around drunk.

Cows

Cows make Poor Landmarks.

Nobody Leaves...

Nobody leaves until everyone has had enough and only you know if you've had enough; but a officer of the law can assist you in your decision.

Free!

If it's free, always take two.
Some small town in Iowa, one day in July...

Buy Safety

If everyone buys safety, nobody pays.

Sharing

If you must share a needle, use a condom.

Sunglasses

If you have lost your sunglasses, check the last place you puked.
Credited to Marcie on RAGBRAI

Children

Unattended Children WILL be sold as slaves.
Road Kill Bus Notice

Mean and Nice

Mean People Suck! Nice People Lick!
Road Kill Bus Bumber Sticker

The Future

When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race.

Einstein

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Hemingway

"It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle."

Sex

"Bicycle riding as little as three miles a day will improve your sex life."

Bikes and Husbands

The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community.
Minneapolis Tribune in 1895

Why

Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? A: It was two tired.

12 Inches

I know what 12 inches is!
Carol
Taken completely out of context at the Eagles Club on a Road Kill Social event in 2007.

Bearing Packing

Do you need your bearings packed?
Just one of many quips from Jim Bizal's IronJim party. (I didn't need my bearings packed, but I hope Tiger found someone who did.)

Look Up!

If constellations had been named in the 20th century, I suppose we would see bicycles.

Numb Genitals

Numb genitals take away the fun of riding with friends
2007 ad for Descente bike shorts

Lights Please!

Did you know that one cyclist a day is killed in this country after dark? Nearly 50 percent of bicyclist fatalities occur after dark even though only 10% of riding takes place after dark.
University of Minnesota Health Services Website

24/7

Open 24 Hours a Day - 7 Days a Year!

Pork Chop

There's a pork chop in every glass!
Another 'palmism' - this one dismissing the need to eat while imbibing.

No Matter

No Matter where you go, there you are!

I'd Rather

“I’d rather have a confusing morning than a boring evening"

RAGBRAI 2007

Hard Work

 “It’s hard work to have this much fun”.

RAGBRAI 2007

Don't Leave

“If you’re having fun, don’t leave”

Another well known Team Road Kill fact

All Day

“You can’t drink all day unless you start in the morning”

Without You

“I wouldn’t smoke without you - unless you weren’t around”

Street Pizza

“You don’t want to end up street pizza”

RAGBRAI 2007

Straight

“You got to keep your head on straight to play ‘fuck you’”

referring to the much played bus card game called "Fuck You"

Outside the Lines

“It’s the people in the back of the pack who color outside the lines”